Archive for the ‘perseveration’ Category

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From 2006- Airplane ride to France

February 27, 2013

We went to France- August 4th. 2006. I delighted in watching the moving map on the small TV on the back of the seat in front of me. Maps have always fascinated us, especially moving maps! That’s one major reason why we loved the weather channel growing up. The forecast involved alot of maps! Our favorite part of the forecast was when the map was put in motion and we could see where the weather features had been, and where they were heading in the future.

On the flight there was a little tv with options for in flight entertainment. I loved the “interactive map” screen because I could see the whole flight path and how far we had travelled and how far we had left to go.

We have since seen more moving maps on flights, this one just happened to be posted as an entry-in-progress, which has taken us quite a while to finish! Much of our writing here is stuff we started many weeks prior to posting. We wrote about that in another post.
We just LOVE moving maps (one of our special interests/perseverations) and I am glad that Athena started writing this.
We have some entries planned about the trip itself by the way.

Started by Athena, more writing by Ivan
Collaborative but writing done at different times.

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Feeling Intruded Upon

December 19, 2012

Why the hell do people always think that even when I seem to be sitting around doing nothing, I might be far away in my mind-fortress and not want to interact(even to respond to a request to do something) or be disturbed? The following is just one example one of us came up with(possibly Athena; she likes watching insects. That says NOTHING whatsoever about her “functioning level”, by the way. So “I” refers to Athena. She wrote this draft many months ago, like most of our recently published entries) While I was observing some insects going about their business, my mother asked me to hang up the laundry. Okay, forgiven. She doesn’t know that I drift away somewhere else, because I have never really told her, so she has no way to know. I have intentionally not told her or anyone else in my family. (Not the full truth; I can’t figure out how to tell them in a way that wouldn’t result in awkward questioning.) So this is more of an internal dilemma and rhetorical question than anything else. When I did not respond to her request/demand, she “invaded” my fortress a second time, and penetrated more deeply with her speech and body language. Feeling cornered, I responded (I can’t remember what exactly I said, besides “yes” or “okay mom”) to make her retreat, because I didn’t want to continue the interaction at the time. I just wanted to be content sitting on the steps, watching the insects. Alas, Mom would have me do something else.

In another post we will try to explain the benefits to us, of being able to “go away” into our mind. It can be calming and rejuvenating. But there is also a downside, such as when our thoughts get into a negative, repeating loop. It happens more to Ivan than myself or Athena. We aren’t sure why. That issue is probably worth a post on its own.

Collaborative, Andrea and Athena.

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when we were younger

December 13, 2012

*TRIGGER WARNING FOR BRIEF MENTION OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE NEAR THE END OF THE POST*

I got the idea to write this from reading a label on a Lean Cuisine entree………”cocine en alto” which is Spanish for “cook on high”. When we were younger, we used to think that “alto” was a language, because we heard a friend of our housekeeper talking about it……..didn’t realize it meant the vocal part she sang in the church choir. I knew she was from a different country so I thought that her language was called Alto.

We had another post about something very similar. It was about Peter Pan and his pixie cohort Tinkerbell. She was dying because she drank Peter’s medicine that Captain Hook had poisoned. Peter asked people to clap so she would get better. Our out-of-body sister Natalie (Not her real name) and I were sitting on the couch watching, and we clapped because we thought Peter was talking to us. Can’t recall ages now. This was definitely more than fifteen years ago.

We (myself Athena and Andrea; though at the time we didn’t know about plurals and DID or even autism) also had other things we liked to do alone. Weather intrigued us quite a lot, so we would go to our room, close the door and then take out our beads and pretend the floor was a weather map. We put clusters of beads on the ground to denote storms. We made bigger and more circular or spirally clusters to denote hurricanes. We called it weather for The Littles. We don’t mean littles as in “insider children”. We meant small people. Very small people. Like toothpick sized. And invisible too.
We didn’t want anyone else to see what we were doing. This was a long time ago, so I don’t know why. Perhaps it was embarrassment? Not sure. We would often close our door in poor Natalie’s face. Well, not literally but I’m sure it felt like that to her. We wanted that alone time. To enter the world of the Littles and tell them what kind of weather to expect for the day.

It was a ritual that happened almost every day, probably around the same time. We cannot remember now, how long it lasted.

When we closed the door on Natalie, she often cried. That made us more annoyed because of sensory aversion to crying. We probably couldn’t understand why she was crying. It didn’t occur to us that she could be upset about not getting attention from Big Sis.

So, she would retaliate, by closing the door on us. I had no clue the events were related. It didn’t make any sense whatsoever at first. And also, there was a sense of “she is doing it to be mean, but I wasn’t.” We certainly felt that she was bullying us, and didn’t think that she might have felt the same way.

I would get upset at her and hit her or sit on her. I didn’t know how else to behave. I was less than ten at the time. We weren’t diagnosed as autistic until much later (we were almost 22).

We are pleased to report that today our relationship with Natalie is very deep and loving. We lift each other up. She doesn’t have as much time to talk to us as she would like, because of work and her own social life. We are also busy with school, especially at this time (end of semester, preparing for final exams, etc.)

This is one of a few posts we plan to write about our childhood.

Andrea and Athena, collaborative

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Dealing Effectively with Annoying Sales Calls

October 23, 2012

This post is about how to effectively deal with annoying sales calls, besides simply hanging up on the person, if he or she is especially intrusive:a) monologue about a really esoteric fixation of yours, rattle off advertisements or strings of memorized information that can be totally irrelevant to the subject of the call (in Congress, at least in the Senate, such conduct is known as filibustering, and it is mainly used to kill time and try to kill a bill). The more distant the information from the auditory-assaulting (changed wording on advice of a reader) session (the sales call), the better. This post was inspired by an article in the Herald Tribune (I can’t remember which one, I came up with this idea over a year ago) The author of the article said that he kept getting spam emails from Trump University about courses and stuff. The chairman of said university, Donald Trump, is a pompous asshole who is also full of shit, in my humble opinion.

If you are an autistic adult living independently and get annoying sales calls, your special interests could come in very handy. You could talk someone’s ear off about the very specific technical details of your particular special interest. Of course, this will only really work if you either don’t have overwhelming telephone anxiety in the first place, or else you are able to get through phone anxiety enough to talk about your special interest. The simple and boring solution would be to just hang up on the person. But that’s not very interesting! Many autistic people like to find ways to make things interesting in their own ways, even while we often insist on keeping specific routines that may seem anything BUT interesting to outside observers.

Wow. This went in a different direction than whoever started writing this had in mind. That happens sometimes. And it’s not a bad thing.

Non-autistic people who get annoying sales calls (happens all the time) perhaps read something from a cookbook if you’re into cooking, or from a book you’re reading, talk about your kids or pets or other family members (be careful not to give identifying personal information of course)

Ivan.

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Random Words Drifting

April 19, 2008

Random Words Drifting, by Athena, 4/19/08

Random Words Drifting

round my brain

Random Words Drifting

driving me insane

Thoughts unceasing

confusion increasing

exponentially, factorially

brain working editorially

to make sense of the muddle

My thoughts are one BIG puddle

of Random Words Drifting

in my mind

How I wish I could just unwind

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