Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed with shit and often I end up feeling numb. Like I don’t care about school anymore. But that is simply not true. I do care. We do care. The grinding overload, plus the seasonal depression, makes concentration very difficult to say the least. I have spent much more time than usual reading blogs, and writing my own stuff. That isn’t going to help us learn Differential Equations or Abstract Algebra. It isn’t going to get our homework done, or help us study for exams. It may even be contributing somewhat to our depression, because we read about what other advocates are doing and we feel bad about not being more involved.
The middle of November is the start of the big push until final exams. Thankfully this semester we don’t have any writing classes. I think the less than ideal way we handle the pressure is THE reason why we cannot realistically be full-time in school. We simply cannot handle all the coursework of a full load plus all the other non-academic crap (keeping apartment habitable, grocery shopping, getting gas when we need to, etcetera. We will talk in more detail about these aspects of daily life in a different post.
Before the semester began, all of us were ITCHING to go back to school, because our summer break was TERMINALLY BORING. I can’t remember much about it at all. Other than wanting so badly to be back in school and advancing our study of mathematics.
Abstract algebra is fascinating but can be a pain in the behind. Differential equations- nom nom nom. But we haven’t been keeping up with homework for that class because the other class consumes so much attention span and time. Since we are autistic, we have alot of trouble keeping up with anything that isn’t college related also, in addition to falling behind on coursework sometimes. Most of our neurotypical classmates hate this time of semester also, since many of them have a full course load and may also be working. Bucketloads of stress for all!
As I have said before we all love being in college. And this semester we have been more social with our classmates (partly out of necessity- several brains are better than one when it comes to Abstract Algebra homework, and we cannot co-front to do our homework. It just doesn’t work.)
But right now, we just want it to be over already. This part of the semester really really sucks.
When it is finally over, we will probably be extremely relieved for a week or two, and then start itching for the next round.