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Feeling like a tired old man-Part 1

July 10, 2009

The title of this post says it all. We cannot come out to our parents about being multiple, and there are other things about our autism that we can’t share, or don’t know how to or even don’t want to.

The net result is frustration on both sides. Mom telling us she cannot rely on us for anything…..over and over, tell us that enough times and it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I guess this is the final result of so many times being spoken to in an accusatory tone by her….she does that to EVERYONE in the house at different times. Dad and sister are not immune to her accusatory tone, and they both function much more closely at her level than we do. Dad just yells and tells her to shut up. Sister sort of acts like a pushover….yes ma’am, no ma’am, anything you say, ma’am. She doesn’t literally say that but she has a way of just shutting Mom down, we don’t even fully understand how it works. Unfortunately no one would believe us if we told them part of the problem is being accused so many times or spoken t0 in an accusatory tone, even when things were going well. We’ve had this on and off issue with Mom ever since grade school! And we live at home, also another major problem. Sister can get away during the academic year because she goes to school in CT and lives there. We’re not so fortunate. We love our university, but we hate living at home, and parents have said that we have to first prove that we are capable of “behaving responsibly” first before they will let us move out. Um, hello, DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE A PROBLEM HERE?

We’ve been in this environment for so many years off and on, it’s started affecting our ability to take responsibility and even study, since Lord only knows when, etc.

We don’t really expect NT’s to get this at the same level as autistic people, but we’ll be grinning from ear to ear temporarily if they do. Our parents sure don’t, and every time any one of us tries to even bring this up indirectly, Mom invariably claims that “we’re just blaming her and not looking at ourselves in the mirror.”

This isn’t the whole story. I don’t have the stamina or time to write it all out at once, because I cannot afford to fall apart in a public place, and I have a project to work on.

Ivan

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2 comments

  1. I’ve been there, and likewise, my story’s too long to go into. But I’ll say this:My dad has a particular tone of voice that just wipes me out, and I’ve seen it kill the mood at a whole dinner party. Keep your eyes on the prize! Hang in there, finish college, get a job, move out. Keep a good distance between you & people who are dragging you down. Parents often think they are the primary experts on their kids, but you are the primary expert on you.


    • It’s not possible at this moment to keep distance between myself and our parents. We live with them. We wouldn’t have the need or desire to keep distance from them if we were living elsewhere…..

      Ivan



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