39th Carnival: If I knew Then

June 8, 2008

Actually, the real title of our entry is “If we knew then”…..

We have wondered several things over the years:

If we knew then, that we were autistic, what would life have been like? Would we have been further along in our development of independent living skills, or would we not have gotten as far as we have now? We have an associates degree, our driver’s license (finally!) and we’re mostly satisfied with life. Still, we wonder what life might have held in store for us had we found out, and had our parents found out that we were on the spectrum, when we were much younger. Our parents heard very bleak reports for our future when we were very young (body age about three) but thankfully they did not pay those bleak reports much mind. 

If we knew then, that our worries about being bipolar would actually be taken seriously and we’d wind up in the mess we did (heavily medicated for three years, unable to function, unable to use our minds well. etc), would we have shared our concerns with others? Most certainly not! What we had to go through with the misdiagnosis, that stemmed from our fears, and the subsequent overmedication and loss of mind functions, was nothing less than horrible. We wouldn’t wish something like that on our worst enemies! Well…..put it this way, Athena and I (The Integral) wouldn’t. Ivan might, if he’s in a particularly foul mood. 

If we knew then, that so many people with various disabilities were being discriminated against, stereotyped by an under-educated society, and were the inspiration for so many “outreach” groups such as Autism Speaks, to advocate (very actively!) an extermination of disabled people due to the burden placed on others by their existence, we (certainly myself and Ivan) might very well have gotten into disability advocacy much much earlier on than we have (Athena would have as well, albeit in a different capacity, probably). 

I (The Integral) meant to write a much longer post on  this topic, and Ivan planned to contribute a good deal separately himself, but life got in the way, and so did the crimson tide. Men just don’t dig that at all(or have that issue in the first place, lucky them), so Ivan left us for a week. 

We procrastinated a fair bit too; or as we like to say, time ran too darn fast. 

The Integral (with input from Ivan and Athena)




  1. we are sorry you werent given the correct treatment and understanding

  2. thanks. We’ve gotten over that now, but it was hard in the beginning for sure. And even for many years afterwards.

    The Integral

  3. Yes… If only.

    What an awful time for you being misdiagnosed and incorrectly treated.

    Glad to hear you have moved forward from that time.

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