things that are more than mere “things”

April 14, 2008

I own many objects that mean the world to me. Blue backpack, pillows, clothes, et cetera. “Mundane” things that many people take for granted and give/throw away when they are no longer considered useful. I’ve had my trusty blue backpack on wheels for well over a year now, and over that time I’ve grown very attached to it. So when I heard the news about carry-on luggage restrictions at European airports (due to the foiled terrorist plot to blow up several planes in London), I became very anxious and concerned for the fate of my “blue buddy on wheels.” Fortunately for my psyche, I was able to take it on board the plane. There are many more items that I am very attached to in the same way. Athena and Ivan have each had articles of clothing that they’ve grown very attached to. Ivan says he keeps shirts for a long time because he “hasn’t had time to get replacements,” but the other two of us know that even if he will not admit it, he’s attached to his clothes in pretty much the same way we are all attached to our cat, or our family members. Another part of that is Athena is also attached to his clothes….sees them all the time and would be upset if he got rid of them. Athena is also very attached to her clothes, and hates to see them given away.

Yes I am very attached to my things, The Integral started writing this. My things become a part of me, so that if I gave them away, I’d be giving away a little piece of me. At the risk of sounding selfish, I have to say that I’d rather find other ways to give away a part of me. Clothing articles, I wear on my body of course, that means they are very close and personal parts of me (not literally private parts, lol, but close to my heart). I don’t want to give away something that close to me and that I’ve known/had for a very long time. Throwing things away is even worse, then I feel like I am throwing away a little part of me. I do not want to throw away a part of me! I like to think I’m more than just garbage. Don’t worry readers, I definitely think I am better than garbage, I’m just using that example to make a point.

There was a time in the recent past where I would be very embarrassed and hesitant to write this and publish it for all and sundry to read. But I’ve been reading blogs of autistics, their allies, other psychiatric survivors, and other multiples, and I feel comfortable sharing my truth and life with others now. It’s healthy for all of us.

Collaborative, Athena and The Integral (who just helped with the writing mostly. She and Ivan also feel the way I do about our things sometimes, but this issue is most important to me and therefore considered to be mostly my writing.)



  1. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    I, too, have many things that mean ever so much more to me than people seem to think things should. I have a plush unicorn, Flickablankie, who is as old as I am. I am twenty-six, almost twenty-seven. Flickablankie has no eyes because dogs we had when I was little ate them. She does not have much fur because I love her and hug her so much. She does not have nose holes. More years ago than I can remember I unwound her horn and turned it into a carrying handle, as she goes with me everywhere. Just the other day, the thread that formed her smilie fell out, so she no longer has a smilie. This was a very sad day. I love Flickablankie.

    Many other things I love, too, that people say should not. Things that have. Things that had but people took away because is bad to be almost-twenty-seven and still have like play with toys. Husband is not like this and does not mind. Rest of word does. Mother especially much minds.

    Thank you. For writing this. And feeling. Is not alone now so much. Thank you.

  2. Finny……….

    tell husband to defend you against your mother if she complains about you having toys. I am sad for you……that you have your things taken away. Not fair. You have them for a reason. They are comfort things…………..

    I wish I can carry something around with me always but others (The Integral and Ivan, you can read about them elsewhere on this blog) do not allow because they say it will make problems…..like restrict what we can do. like going to school……..be problem for family…..others will make fun of us. i say to them okay. Not too happy about it but figure they know what they’re doing…….I do get time to be with my things…….

    Ever kiss your pillows? I do!

    thanks for visiting. do come back!


  3. Finny,

    We hope you’re still around somewhere.

    The Integral

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