feeling like a thing that is no longer wanted

March 13, 2008

Often I feel like a broken doll, or a worn out schoolbag, or a pillow that someone no longer has use for. I feel this very deeply, and then I cry. The different selves inside experience this feeling in other ways. Ivan just gets irritable. The Integral doesn’t know what it means. She is in fact the least emotional out of the three selves. I cry for Dean, who becomes concerned and confused because he hears me crying and doesn’t know why because she cannot or will not explain. More often than not, she doesn’t explain because she simply can’t. It’s hard to get any words out at all let alone useful explanations during a period of overload.

And not being able to communicate whats going on inside my mind…..naturally leads some combination, in no particular order, of fixation, anxiety, depression, and/or frustration………the depression manifests itself in something like the title of this short post…….feeling unwanted by whomever……..which is more often than not, a departure from reality. In other words it’s not actually true that some person doesn’t want me…..it’s that anxiety is causing me to have perceptions that are not necessarily equal to what’s going on in reality.

It’s happening right now….probably because we feel crappy after having to withdraw from our Physics lecture class and lab. There was no way in hell we were going to come close to passing the second exam……..the first was a disaster……but that’s another story for another time, if it’s written out at all.

Athena, with some assistance in word use from The Integral.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.


Don't ever change yourself to impress someone, cause they should be impressed that you don't change to please others -- When you are going through something hard and wonder where God is, always remember that the teacher is always quiet during a test --- Unknown

Words Of Birds

Left the Nest


A brief summary of a early-middle aged man preparing to run a marathon

Shannon A Thompson

You need the world, and the world needs good people.


Ideas about English, Drama and ICT in the classroom, as well as some broader musings

-Ten Strong-

A Look Inside The Mind Of A Multiple

Choirduck's corner

When the music fades, all is stripped away and I simply come

The Life You Save May Be Your Own

DID, knitting, sci-fi, and strong opinions


David K. March And The Sociopolitical Blog Of Doom


Something interesting


Selected topics in Mathematical Physics

Tim Miller's Home of Fear and Darkness

Official Blog of Horror Author Tim Miller


a celebration of life

Of Fries And Men

Fries and Men. Two things women can't resist. Warning: Content may contain detailed description of fries consumption. Not suitable for those on diet.

It's a Wunderful Life

Life with Twins and Autism from a Dad's Perspective


Children's Book Reviews

%d bloggers like this: